The Hate Van

Last week one of the other photogs asked me if I knew which vehicle I was supposed to be assigned.

"Rick said I'm supposed to get the engineering van," I said.

"Oh ho!" he laughed. "You mean the 'Hate Van.'"

The Hate Van has been in the shop for a while and wasn't ready when I arrived here. Its previous driver hated it and tried to kill it. He drove it for 12,000 miles without an oil change. It finally stopped working, but those who make the decisions at the station decided it would be better to fix it than replace it. Today CP Rick finally drove me out to the dealer to pick it up.

The Hate Van is a short wheel base Ford Econoline van. It was a "good deal" offered by the Ford dealer that provided our other vehicles and was purchased with the idea that the engineers would use it to build out a live truck themselves. They were supposed to buy a mast and transmitter and install racks in it. The project was abandoned when they actually started planning it and realized they couldn't fit everything into a short wheel base van. Unfortunately the station had already paid for it, so the engineers kept it around to use for errands before it was returned to the news department. But not before they ran the hell out of it.

It's a cargo van, so the inside isn't finished out. I have to figure out a way to keep the gear from bouncing around in the back. It's white. Mostly. Fortunately it isn't marked with the station's logos, but that's only because the condition of the paint and body won't really accept a decal job.

The side cargo doors do not open. That's because the previous driver had an encounter with the lift gate on a Coca Cola truck that folded them together, effectively sealing them forever. That was NOT a repair the station felt was necessary, since we can still load gear into the back. It's also missing a chunk out of the front grill and has no cover over the left front turn signal.

Inside isn't that bad. It has a stereo and air conditioning at least, and the seat belts seem to work. The odometer reads 63,000 miles. The seats have a few tears, but nothing major. The dash, however, is cracked in several places. It actually looks like someone has been beating on it with a blunt object.

And finally, across the dash in front of the steering wheel, right above the instrument cluster, someone has scrawled the following inspirational message:

"Kill A Redneck."

I'm now told the van has a history of stranding photogs at unfortunate times and in unpleasant places. Thus there is a good deal of hate directed toward it, and it seems to harbor some resentment toward us as well. Hence the name:

The Hate Van.

Unfortunately I noticed on the way home that it pulls noticeably to the left, and CP Rick has promised to get it back to the shop for an alignment sometime next week. It has now had a good deal of engine work, however, so perhaps it and I will be able to establish a new relationship based on mutual trust and understanding. I have promised to take good care of it and treat it kindly.